4 Months-Hills and Valleys

If you read my last post you know that my hubby and I were blessed to be able to getaway for a couple of days on the coast and it was wonderful! We had an amazing time, truly relaxed and just enjoyed one an other's company. Did not have an itinerary or agenda just did what ever we felt like. It was so nice, just to be able to "just be". We walked on the beach, watched the sunset, watched shows, cooked breakfast together, went out to eat a lot, and slept in! The place we stayed called Andril Fireplace Cottages was fantastic. Everything we could ever need or want was at our fingertips. A fireplace, a full kitchen, hot tub, flat screen, free wifi, even a ping pong table if we really wanted some laughs! And the beach was a 5 minute walk down the road. I can't say enough how much I loved our stay there!

The funny thing was, as nice as it was having a kitchen at our disposal we really didn't use it as much as I thought we would. We did make breakfast there, one morning but other than that we ate out for the rest of our meals. We just couldn't help ourselves, we love the area so much, so many good restaurants to enjoy! I am so thankful to hubby's generous co-workers for the gift certificate for our room cost so that we could indulge as much as we wanted in the yummy food department.

There was only one time during the entire 4 days that I struggled with at all, which is pretty good for me.  It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon, we were in downtown Monterey walking around enjoying the sights and sounds of cannery row and so was every other family on the planet. It felt like everywhere I turned there was another young couple or mother with her baby, all little, most of them in front carriers just like Ethan would be in right now.  Most of the time I was able to keep my distance and focus on other things but there were two different occasions where I came out of a store and they were right in front of me, one I practically ran into.  After the second time we both needed to step back so we went across the way to an area with benches farther away from the crowds so I could catch my breath. We sat there for quite a while, silent, leaning onto one another, with tears falling slowly down my face.  My hubby voiced my thoughts for me, "it should have been us".  Yes it should have been, but its not, instead we sat on the bench with empty arms wishing so badly things were different.  Holding onto the hope that someday they will be.

Today Monday October 11th Ethan would be 4 months old, I can't believe all of this time has passed already.  I went today with a dear friend to visit my precious boy and bring him a few little things.  Of course fall flowers. My friend brought him a cute little blue plastic jack-o-lantern to add to his bouquet and also a tiny blue toy train given to Ethan by her son, it was his toy that he had played with when he was little. I am so thankful for my family and friends who love me and my son so much. It makes my mommy heart so happy to know that he is loved and missed by so many.  I know that I posted this once already but I found a new video to go with the song "Precious Child" that I want to share in honor of today, my baby's 4 month "angel-versary".



Thank you for taking the time to listen and remember my little boy.

Ethan James Mishler born and died on June 11, 2010