The Day We Buried Our Son- June 21st 2010

This morning I woke up filled with dread, knowing what this day was. The day we had to bury our son, our one and only child.  I could barely manage to drag myself out of bed, but I knew I had no choice. Staying in bed would not change the course of the day or its events. I had to get up, to be strong for everyone, the rest of the family was depending on me.  So up I went and slowly began my day. It seems like everything was in slow motion. I took my shower, got dressed and began to put on makeup.  Wanting to look my best, even though it wouldn't last very long. Who can smile when all of their life's happiness is being buried and put into the ground? Finally it was time to get into the car and drive to the cemetery.

It takes a half hour to get there, but I don't remember any of the drive. I still couldn't believe we were going to bury my son, my precious boy who we had so many hopes and dreams for, all gone! Like he had never even existed. My mind was just not working right, I couldn't process it. We were going to bury our son, it just didn't seem comprehensible, yet here we were pulling into the parking lot.

I am thankful for place we chose to bury Ethan at, it is absolutely beautiful! Everywhere you look is green grass, trees and flowers. It is out in the country, you can hear the train whistle as it goes by and next to Ethan's grounds is a pasture where horses run free and sometimes you can hear them whinny to one another. It truly is a beautiful and peaceful place, there is no other place I possibly could have chosen that would have been better.
It was a sunny clear morning, not too hot yet and I knew it would be a beautiful service.

As we arrived I saw that the rest of our family had already gathered along with our pastors from our Church. Once again they were there to help us through our darkest hours, the burial service of our little boy.  We walked up to the site and I saw with a great feeling of finality, the casket which held our son on the ground covered in the beautiful flower arrangements that we had picked out.  It was a small group, just family today about 20 or 30 in all.  Dave and I took our seats after saying quiet hellos to everyone and the service began.

I don't really remember much of what was actually said, I know it was beautiful, I remember thinking it was an amazingly hard job Pastor Bob had and he did it wonderfully.  Mostly I remember the silence after the service was finished. I knew we had to get up, so slowly we managed to. We began saying our thank yous to all who came to help and support us. The hugs and I love yous are most of what I remember from that day. That's all that really matters in the end when you go through this kind of horrific experience, who is there to help and comfort you when you need it the most.  Finally it was time to go, we were the last ones to leave, quietly making our way back to the car one step at a time, our hearts broken forever.