7 Months

WOW I can't believe its been 7 months since my sweet Ethan was born, how is it that time has passed so quickly and yet soooo slowly? I continue to love and miss my sweet boy every day.  Some days I feel like I aged a decade since Ethan died.  Other days I look at the calendar and wonder where did the time go?  I have been reflecting on my grief journey lately and where I am at and how grateful I am for where I am at.  Recently I was talking to my hubby and we both agreed that even though all choices have their challenges and sacrifices we are very thankful that I have been able to be a stay at home Mom to all of my children. 

For as long as I have been home and not working I have been pregnant (about 18 months and counting) except for this last summer but even then I was still Ethan's mommy, he just isn't here with me. Also one month in the summer of 09 after losing Alexis before getting pregnant with Ethan.  As I look back on the past 7 months I am more thankful than I can ever say that I was able to be at home and take of myself, my hubby and our family.  I know that many mommies are not as fortunate as me and they have to go back to work, sometimes much too soon.  I know in my heart that if I was forced to go back to a job I would have had a much harder time processing and dealing with my pain and grief.  It would have gotten shoved or "stuffed" inside and I would have just ignored my pain and made myself too busy. 

Instead I was given the wonderful opportunity to focus on myself, something we rarely do enough of in this life.  I was able to face the pain, be in it, not run from it, as many women do whether they realize it or not.  So today as I look back at the hardest 7 months of my life I am thankful for so many things, but especially thankful that my wonderful and loving husband has been able to support me not just emotionally but financially as well so that I can continue this journey as a stay at home Mom, both to my angel babies and in a little less than 6 months also to my earthly child as well. I love you so much sweetheart! 

Ami